TREPIDATIOUSLY COME INTO MY HEAD

 

MY NOTES FOR MY THERAPIST

 

REALLY….CAN I GET A BREAK

Hi Candace,

Below is the journal I kept this week to share with you yesterday but was unable to because I was still rattled about my nightmares. I apologize for being abrupt. Praise heaven, I slept really well, peacefully, a full 7 uninterrupted hours to wake feeling refreshed!!  I have less trepidation about going to sleep now.  

Appointment confirmed for next Thursday at 2:45. Thank you. 

****************

Notes for Candace – July 26 session:

My message to Alex Monday 7/23

Hi 

I had the truly most wonderful day with you yesterday. I don’t know if you have a hangover but you were abrupt w me earlier and it makes me sad. I tried very hard because I was delighted that Emily cares for u so much to do this. 

I don’t deserve to be brushed off.  

I love you

The road to hell is paved with good intentions 

From Alex:

Yes i was abrupt and I was hungover. All day yesterday emily and i relaxed. It was well needed after saturday night. I would love to thank you again for all the gifts and the special night in total. I can call at lunch today

My response:

Thank you for responding. It’s ok now. I’m glad you had a good time. 

Andrew didn’t even tell me he was going. Why the fuck am I still in New Jersey?  Really,I cherish u but I was offered 825k for my house this month. Maybe I’ll go. 

Fucking invisible Mom.  I’ll visit whenever u like 

Alex response:

I knew Brianna said they weren’t sure they were going until earlier saturday afternoon. They only just returned so it was a pleasant surprise they were able to make it.

I knew Brianna said they weren’t sure they were going until earlier saturday afternoon. They only just returned so it was a pleasant surprise they were able to make it.

My response:

Thank you. Yes, Emily invited us but we (Chris and I) felt you’d have more fun w your peers. Emily appreciated that. We talked about everything. Just forget this conversation. I love u

Have a great day

Alex response:

Okay. Love you too

My response:

💕❤️💖💖

*******************

Anger – 7/23/18

I honestly never thought of myself as an angry person or personality. I enjoy the company of new people, love nature, try to be helpful. 

But, when I feel that I have been wronged, the anger rises. 

I’m beginning to look at my source of anger.  Today, I thought, it’s because whenever I feel wronged I feel everything that was done wrong to me in my life erupt and I want to scream, hit, run, stop beating me up 

*******************

7/24/18 Tuesday 

Yesterday I received a text from Emily, Alex’s gf, to say she finally received I purchased at FedEx in the largest size wo pixelation.  It didn’t get to her parents in time for party…delivered to wrong address. But she said they got it and love it. I had asked her prior to party to pls share some photos w me since I’m not on social media. No mention. No pics. I called FedEx and agreed to pay for poster but not vip delivery. They said ok. 

*******************

7/23/18

Later yesterday, I realized that Andrew came home from Portugal 7/20. I texted … hey! Welcome home. I didn’t realize you were already hone. He said yes. Catching up. I understand. Btw, did u go to Alex’s party.  He had mentioned nothing. 

*******************

July 25

Bad news this morning. Bri’s Dad (my daughter-in-law) had emergency pacemaker put in. First I was thinking thinking what I could do to help. HALLELUJAH!

I reminded myself 

Don’t put on your cape

You don’t have a cape

Stop behaving as if you have a cape

You do not have a cape

Kat

Leave a Comment

Email (will not be published)