Remember who I used to be
Integral to family
Planner, cleaner, cook, teacher, nurse
Remembering birthdays, holidays and such

Remember when I hosted parties
In the pool with family and friends
Remember when we had to run
When rain came down, we thought it’d never end

Remember when I sat up all night
Next to your cough
Next to your wheeze
Next to you
Next to you
Tap tap tap
Til the lungs are clear
Come by close
I love you dear

Remember trips with your class
And all the school shows
I sat in front
At sporting games I cheered so loud
You said, hey Mom, I’m embarrassed now

Remember when we climbed the trees
Climbed the ropes course, did it with ease
Did it together
Three musketeers
Do you
Do you
Remember dear

Remember who I used to be
Someone you wanted close and fun
Remember now
Those days have passed
And nothing is here just like past

Remembering is all I can do
You’ve moved on
Moved away
I’m still here
But there is little left to say

I’m not privy to your world
Now I stand out on the brim
Here I am, as I’ve always been
Whenever you’re ready to let me in




2 Comment

  1. I found your blog here when I typed in the search term “blogs” because I am going to try out writing a blog myself and wanted to get a feel for how I might consider laying mine out.

    I read your poem here and it touched me in a deep part of me where the pain from missing my kids is kept inside me… It felt as if I was reading about me and my kids and I. I felt that empty cold loneliness and regret for all that time missed when they were younger and I mattered to them. I would rather be hit or cut than feel the pain that not mattering to who matters the most to me leaves me feeling!

    I feel that pain when I let myself think about things really or don’t have a distraction going! I felt that pain today reading your words and though I don’t know you, I felt sorry for you having to suffer the empty loneliness that I feel missing my kids..

    The cold empty reality that things are only going to get worse, drifting further and further away as well as forgotten about is all I have to look forward to. I forgot the other thing I get to look forward to. The uncomfortable weirdness that seems to be a growing part of whatever random tiny slivers of time that I do ever get to see my kids with my 28 y.o son living in Texas now for the past 4 years (seen him once for about 20 minutes over the past 4 years maybe longer even).

    My daughter who turned 18 in January used to be my little daddy’s girl. At 10 everything got messed from many deaths back to back to back to back taking my daughters 3 grandmas my mom and my grandpa n her great grandpa Also at that same short period of time when I was grieving from losing my mom, my daughters mom started up with hher crap again and we ended up in court again but this time her lies and schemes worked and zI got reduced to only day a week from the equal that I had since she was still in diapers. and also at the same time that I ended up in a battle for my mom’s home that I took over payments on and spent thousands on with all new paint and high end custom glass doors and walls knocked out and just all kinds of money and hard work wasted because my aunt who my mom had put her house in her name years prior so that she could get medicare ended up hosing e out of the house in the end and all i put in it too! The 2 days a week got smashed and tossed out in no time being that conveniently there was alwatys something fun and fun people like aunty and grandpa always happening on our 2 days and her mom texting ca;lling non stop to he rwhen she was with me with all the fun fun fun so Daddy can I go back to my moms early come see you later tomorrow next week month 2 ,3 , 4, 5, 6 months 6 months was the longest time in between seeing each other from all the amazing fun on every day that we set to visit..

    Through all this my daughter somehow doesn’t remember that she lived with me equally up until she was 10 and even after she turned 18 – her mom keeps eliminate me machine going. Each time we do finally get to see each other the air gets thicker and weirder between us and lately, I guess I am not being talked to because enone of my messages txts or anything has gotten any reponse.

    So anyway, I just wanted you to know that your words reached me in my heart and I guess if you are feeling all that – just know you aren’t alone 🙁

    • Thank you Steve! Thank you for reading my blog and for sharing YOUR feelings! I’m very grateful. My son just got married and is on his honeymoon…I am on cat feeding duty for them, and I cleaned their house, did their laundry and bought flowers for them upon return….we never stop wanting to give and parent…and, as for me, I think it is ok 🙂 Peace

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