Here and there

when I needed it

I imagined that the family 

that marked me an outlier

 beneath 

ignorant 

in drunken stupors

befuddled with schemes to steal from the government 

and I didn’t want to belong to it

lonely

very lonely 

very unloving of anything but my mind

I realized it was not me

It was them

that helps none

55 years later

I am still the over-informed outlier

sucking the air with ideas

offering too much help

Lonely is better

it ebbs

it’s worth it

no more punishing