On the verge of becoming invisible
I’m on the verge of becoming invisible. Although it’s not an excuse for anything I chose to do, it certainly is a good reason to savior every moment because I will soon become else. I am a 55 year old woman. I live in a very comfortable Northern New Jersey community, I am thin, attractive, active, computer literate, networked, “connected up the wazoo,” and in 5 years when I am 60 years old I will be viewed as someone else. This is not a politically correct statement but a socially accurate statement save for a small percentile.
As long as you still as a “5” in your number, you are still viable. So is my contention among the 20-30 year olds.
I will miss the attention. I admit it. I was never harmed; just flirts and whistles or catcalls but nothing profane. I will miss it. Secretarial lunch hour walking by the buildings going up in the late 80’s just before the crash – all the nice construction men.
I will miss all the eyes that I know looked at me. The countless men who stopped to ask me the name of my perfume. I will miss the men that drove by my car and honked their horn by me.
Women are especially viewed differently. The men that will be “available” to me – the men who will watch me, who will glance
Where do I see 60 becoming invisible? I’m a homemaker. I observe everyday life and the small almost insidious changes in our lives: more commercials contain drugs geared toward baby boomers with ailments related to aging; assisted-living facilities talking about “aging-in the baby boomers”; I hear local women in their mid-60’s grateful but shaken that someone offered a seat to them on a bus because they thought they were old.
I refuse to become invisible. I will not go gently into that goodnight. I will shall be as graceful as I can as I go screaming and biting with botox and restylane up the wazoo. Fix me up doc.
I am not at all afraid to die but I will die looking good! Yes, vanity thy name is Kathleen – so the fuck what! It’s my life and it’s my choice. I’ve given everyone I can everything I can. This face, this body is all I have and I will do as I please. Beat it, box it, change it, mix it, mock it, whatever. I will not be invisible.