On the verge of becoming invisible

I’m on the verge of becoming invisible.  Although it’s not an excuse for anything I chose to do, it certainly is a good reason to savior every moment because I will soon become else.  I am a 55 year old woman. I live in a very comfortable Northern New Jersey community, I am thin, attractive, active, computer literate, networked, “connected up the wazoo,” and in 5 years when I am 60 years old I will be viewed as someone else.  This is not a politically correct statement but a socially accurate statement save for a small percentile.

As long as you still as a “5” in your number, you are still viable.  So is my contention among the 20-30 year olds.

I will miss the attention.  I admit it.  I was never harmed; just flirts and whistles or catcalls but nothing profane.  I will miss it.  Secretarial lunch hour walking by the buildings going up in the late 80’s just before the crash – all the nice construction men.

I will miss all the eyes that I know looked at me.  The countless men who stopped to ask me the name of my perfume.  I will miss the men that drove by my car and honked their horn by me.

Women are especially viewed differently.  The men that will be “available” to me – the men who will watch me, who will glance

Where do I see 60 becoming invisible?  I’m a homemaker.  I observe everyday life and the small almost insidious changes in our lives: more commercials contain drugs geared toward baby boomers with ailments related to aging; assisted-living facilities talking about “aging-in the baby boomers”; I hear local women in their mid-60’s grateful but shaken that someone offered a seat to them  on a bus because they thought they were old.

I refuse to become invisible.  I will not go gently into that goodnight.  I will shall be as graceful as I can as I go screaming and biting with botox and restylane up the wazoo.  Fix me up doc.

I am not at all afraid to die but I will die looking good! Yes, vanity thy name is Kathleen – so the fuck what! It’s my life and it’s my choice.  I’ve given everyone I can everything I can.  This face, this body is all I have and I will do as I please.  Beat it, box it, change it, mix it, mock it, whatever.  I will not be invisible.

Kat